Reasoning with Insecurities

Sometimes people are almost uncomfortable with compliments. Contrary to popular beliefs, its much easier to take criticism than genuine appreciation. Accepting another person's heartfelt compliments can  sometimes be embarrassing, almost making one feel guilty or even unworthy of them, in extreme cases.

Now you may argue saying that what about those who love praises, false or not. What about those who would do anything to get a pat on their backs. You see, they are the most guilt ridden individuals. On the surface they appear to be chasing appreciation, but the very fundamental reason they do it is cause they feel unworthy of giving themselves that appreciation. So much so that they are willing to let go of their self esteem and lower them selves in every way to get someone else's so called "appreciation". That very act is a solid proof of their insecurity.

Now you might point to those who like themselves surrounded with sycophants or "chelaas" as we say in Hindi. I believe somewhere deep down in their subconscious they are so convinced about their worthlessness that they are willing to take anything, even slightly resembling a compliment, thrown their way to boost their self esteem or lack thereof. This, again, points to their super guilt driven insecure interior masked by an overconfident/ almost arrogant exterior.  

These might sound like extreme cases, but we all have these insecurities, in varying degrees of intensity. Notice that the very core reasoning to any insecurity always ends up being some belief that we've been taught to believe. 

Now why are we so insecure, you may ask? Frankly, I don't know that either. It doesn't make any logical sense to me. But one thing I've realized over time is that we don't genuinely evolve until we can accept appreciation as well as we take criticism, while maintaining our dignity and peace of mind.

A Cry

What kind of a world do we live in...

Where chemicals are our food
There are drugs for every mood
Water that makes you sick
And artificial foods to pick
Where Fashion and style is new
But spirit belongs only to a few

What a selfish people are we...

Breaking news is stories of distress
Of people in pain, hurt and stress
With a zillion mouths to care and feed
We only care for our unfulfilled greed
Entertainment is all on our mind
When did we forget to be gentle and kind?

What irresponsible monsters are we!

Nature is mocked every day
by our acts of violence and dismay
We take our blessing for granted
Dismissing the weak as unwanted
With blood on our minds we charge
At each others' throats at large

The purpose of life has been lost
For power and at what cost!
Simple, sacred, pure and whole
Rich with Being, Blessed with Soul
Such was our legacy, lost over time
Drowned in arrogance, violence and crime

What kind of humans are we to be
When we lose our sense of humanity.

What is so wrong with effeminate men?

A recent article about how to talk to little girls set me thinking on a somewhat gender related topic. I wondered how and why we perceive effeminate men the way we do.

What is so wrong with effeminate men/boys? Why is it automatically looked down upon in many cultures? So they have mannerisms that are gentler, graceful and much less rigid or "manly" than other so called macho guys. Is that the only reason for disapproval? That seems a bit extreme. I wanted to dig deep to see if I could understand how the general mass psyche works when judging these men.

Just being effeminate is not the reason, it's the so called "logical deductions" that society has associated with this quality that makes effeminate downright taboo, for some.

1. Association with being gay. Effeminate is almost an obvious link to being gay-is what is being conditioned into our society. And as we know it too well that being gay is not yet a completely accepted phenomena in a large part of the world for various deep rooted reasons. This explains the strong reactions that some people have towards effeminate men.

2. Deduction that they aren't truly "men" and that they should therefore not receive that respect. This is a downright sexist belief. Any other form of gender than a man's is somehow less respectful indicates that these people have low respect for females as well. Observe that not many people have a problem with girls being tom boyish. I haven't seen many girls lose respect for being a tom boy. In fact she gains respect from her guy friends who consider her to be "one of them" as if that's some stamp of approval that she's desperately waiting to get. I've been a "tomboy" during my teens (am possibly a little bit even now) and trust me, not once did I wish I was a guy! I liked playing sports, reading technical stuff, wearing easy, convenient clothes (jeans...T shirts). All this might make it look like I was trying to be a guy, on the contrary, I was just being too lazy to try and look pretty and had other interests which society associates with only men. That does not in anyways make me a man! In fact far from it!

3. Assumption that they will be wimpy, over emotional, clingy, annoying and not so tough. This I can totally and completely deny, since being "macho" does not guarantee that the person will NOT be any of these above. I know a few very typical manly men who apparently hate effeminate behavior for unknown reasons and they are ALL of the above to the point of frustration! Also, on a side note, I hate it when these qualities get associated with women, in general. Trust me, if you genuinely know the women in your life, you will know that they are far more emotionally strong and centered than most men.

So it might seem like most of these points have an underlying issue about women's equality and that we've heard way too much about that and there is nothing new in this article. I agree, but isn't that a strong indication that more and more of the social issues that we have today have the same deep rooted problem and that unless we genuinely want to deal with it, it will continue its quiet rebellion by churning out a myriad of other issues which are spin offs of the core problem.