A recent article about how to talk to little girls set me thinking on a somewhat gender related topic. I wondered how and why we perceive effeminate men the way we do.
What is so wrong with effeminate men/boys? Why is it automatically looked down upon in many cultures? So they have mannerisms that are gentler, graceful and much less rigid or "manly" than other so called macho guys. Is that the only reason for disapproval? That seems a bit extreme. I wanted to dig deep to see if I could understand how the general mass psyche works when judging these men.
Just being effeminate is not the reason, it's the so called "logical deductions" that society has associated with this quality that makes effeminate downright taboo, for some.
1. Association with being gay. Effeminate is almost an obvious link to being gay-is what is being conditioned into our society. And as we know it too well that being gay is not yet a completely accepted phenomena in a large part of the world for various deep rooted reasons. This explains the strong reactions that some people have towards effeminate men.
2. Deduction that they aren't truly "men" and that they should therefore not receive that respect. This is a downright sexist belief. Any other form of gender than a man's is somehow less respectful indicates that these people have low respect for females as well. Observe that not many people have a problem with girls being tom boyish. I haven't seen many girls lose respect for being a tom boy. In fact she gains respect from her guy friends who consider her to be "one of them" as if that's some stamp of approval that she's desperately waiting to get. I've been a "tomboy" during my teens (am possibly a little bit even now) and trust me, not once did I wish I was a guy! I liked playing sports, reading technical stuff, wearing easy, convenient clothes (jeans...T shirts). All this might make it look like I was trying to be a guy, on the contrary, I was just being too lazy to try and look pretty and had other interests which society associates with only men. That does not in anyways make me a man! In fact far from it!
3. Assumption that they will be wimpy, over emotional, clingy, annoying and not so tough. This I can totally and completely deny, since being "macho" does not guarantee that the person will NOT be any of these above. I know a few very typical manly men who apparently hate effeminate behavior for unknown reasons and they are ALL of the above to the point of frustration! Also, on a side note, I hate it when these qualities get associated with women, in general. Trust me, if you genuinely know the women in your life, you will know that they are far more emotionally strong and centered than most men.
So it might seem like most of these points have an underlying issue about women's equality and that we've heard way too much about that and there is nothing new in this article. I agree, but isn't that a strong indication that more and more of the social issues that we have today have the same deep rooted problem and that unless we genuinely want to deal with it, it will continue its quiet rebellion by churning out a myriad of other issues which are spin offs of the core problem.
What is so wrong with effeminate men/boys? Why is it automatically looked down upon in many cultures? So they have mannerisms that are gentler, graceful and much less rigid or "manly" than other so called macho guys. Is that the only reason for disapproval? That seems a bit extreme. I wanted to dig deep to see if I could understand how the general mass psyche works when judging these men.
Just being effeminate is not the reason, it's the so called "logical deductions" that society has associated with this quality that makes effeminate downright taboo, for some.
1. Association with being gay. Effeminate is almost an obvious link to being gay-is what is being conditioned into our society. And as we know it too well that being gay is not yet a completely accepted phenomena in a large part of the world for various deep rooted reasons. This explains the strong reactions that some people have towards effeminate men.
2. Deduction that they aren't truly "men" and that they should therefore not receive that respect. This is a downright sexist belief. Any other form of gender than a man's is somehow less respectful indicates that these people have low respect for females as well. Observe that not many people have a problem with girls being tom boyish. I haven't seen many girls lose respect for being a tom boy. In fact she gains respect from her guy friends who consider her to be "one of them" as if that's some stamp of approval that she's desperately waiting to get. I've been a "tomboy" during my teens (am possibly a little bit even now) and trust me, not once did I wish I was a guy! I liked playing sports, reading technical stuff, wearing easy, convenient clothes (jeans...T shirts). All this might make it look like I was trying to be a guy, on the contrary, I was just being too lazy to try and look pretty and had other interests which society associates with only men. That does not in anyways make me a man! In fact far from it!
3. Assumption that they will be wimpy, over emotional, clingy, annoying and not so tough. This I can totally and completely deny, since being "macho" does not guarantee that the person will NOT be any of these above. I know a few very typical manly men who apparently hate effeminate behavior for unknown reasons and they are ALL of the above to the point of frustration! Also, on a side note, I hate it when these qualities get associated with women, in general. Trust me, if you genuinely know the women in your life, you will know that they are far more emotionally strong and centered than most men.
So it might seem like most of these points have an underlying issue about women's equality and that we've heard way too much about that and there is nothing new in this article. I agree, but isn't that a strong indication that more and more of the social issues that we have today have the same deep rooted problem and that unless we genuinely want to deal with it, it will continue its quiet rebellion by churning out a myriad of other issues which are spin offs of the core problem.
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