Some More

‘I dreamt of the more

It made my heart soar’

but nobody believed a word I said

It’s a myth, just a lore

doesn’t exist anymore

they said to me all the time

There is nothing beyond the shore

Don’t waste time, no more

was their well intentioned advice 

Their words, I ignore

which causes an uproar 

my boldness creates a shock wave

Not knowing whats in store

I feel it in my core

the deep rooted excitement

As I step out to explore

My spirits, they soar

when I catch the glimpse of a new horizon

Now I dream of the more

while opening the door

to newness and possibilities

What I am learning about learning.

Since my husband started his business, I've been doing a lot of research these days about launching and marketing a new business. Internet articles, blog posts and books from marketing gurus, online self-help videos, you name it and there's a good chance that I've heard of it. While a lot of this material was insightful and definitely inspirational, it sometimes gave me a sense of trying to play catch up with the rest. It felt like a whole bunch of people have figured it all out and are living brilliantly successful lives while I'm still groping at all sorts of information thrown at me. When things attained a new overwhelming pitch I finally decided to step back and take a long deep breath. To bring me some clarity I decided to put pen to paper and started jotting down everything that came to mind. Finally, after pages and pages of rambling on which was a mix of some insights, an ounce of complaining and random thoughts of inspiration, I was done venting. As the fog cleared and my mind started calming down, I began reading what I'd written and was quite surprised to see some useful bits of information shining through all that clutter of words. So I decided to actually make a blog post out of it and send it into cyber space hoping that it'll find its rightful reader.  

1. Do a little bit more than yesterday.

 This is actually quite simple to do. We sometimes get sucked into a rut and forget to check in with ourselves every once in a while. Often life becomes about living for the weekend and this thought can help you shake out of that habit. Whatever your current aim is just check in with yourself on a daily basis to see if you did a little bit more than yesterday (If you don't have an aim then make one, to begin with). You could do more each day in terms of quantity or quality, depending on what the task is, but just being aware about how much has been done in comparison to yesterday can be a good motivator. In my case, I have had the aim to be more organized. So I started doing one extra chore each day that I hadn't done on the day before. Tasks like cleaning one extra counter top, organizing one extra shelf space or de-cluttering one extra corner of the house helped me get more into the habit of being organized and helped me get over my lazy attitude. The best part is that it works for almost anything. Do that one extra pushup today, run an extra block today, finish that one extra page for the report today. Pushing yourself to do just one bit more often gets you into the habit of being efficient much faster and over just a few weeks you realize that you've achieved a whole lot more than you would have otherwise. Setting an unreasonable goal for yourself and trying to power through all that mental resistance can only get you so far. It's not a long term solution.

2. Give credit to your habitual patterns regardless of how annoying they are.

Our habits and reactions are sources of vast information about ourselves, if only we could recognize them that way. We often pay very little attention to our own habits, especially if they are not something to be proud of. Nobody wants to recognize their 'bad' habits at the fear of being ridiculed, criticized or even ostracized but we forget that our habitual reactions to situations and people often come from a much deep rooted belief or insecurity. If only we gave our habits the respect they deserve and listen to what they've been trying to tell us, we would end up learning so much more about ourselves. Instead of labeling habits as good or bad, if we just observe them objectively as general characteristics we would be able to really start looking at them without feeling angry, guilty or disgusted. I'm still working on mine and far from making radical changes but this approach has definitely let me loosen up much more which, to me, is an achievement in itself. 

3. Every experience can be treated as a test case scenario.

We are doing that everyday, that's how we learn to adapt and react to the environment. What I'm talking about is applying this approach to situations involving negative emotions. I'm not asking you to be stoic or emotion less but if you treat each incident as a test case of action and reaction then every reaction you get is just a feedback. The whole observation becomes analytical and loses most of its emotional drama. That leaves you calmer and much more focused on getting the end results.

4. Develop the quality of being thirsty for knowledge.

This is a rather important point if you plan to enjoy a satisfied life. Notice how I said satisfied, not rich, not famous but satisfied. Gaining knowledge can be the most satisfying thing if done the right way. Be curious, ask questions and prod into the details. It might make u a nerd but it sure is an immensely satisfying process once you start viewing things around you with a childlike wonder. We get so stuck with a knowledge base that is of advantage to us in order to grow rich/be successful/climb the ladder that we forget being a connoisseur of knowledge. Yes, a connoisseur, that’s what I’d like to call it. Knowledge, even technical, can be treated like art. You can absorb it, linger on it and appreciate thoroughly to get the feeling of complete satisfaction. I’m an electrical engineer by profession, but recently because of taking up this business endeavor along with my husband, I started reading up on how to build a website. At first it was cumbersome, I was frustrated that we need to put in so much work just to get our website up and running. And that’s barely getting to the starting point of any business.  That kind of attitude got me unwanted stress, constant arguments and a whole bunch of distracting thoughts that were slowing my progress even more. So one day after a long chat with my husband I decided to grow up, deal with my current situation and mend my attitude. That’s right. I changed the way I looked at this whole situation. Here I was an engineer, who for the first time was getting to build an actual professional website and getting to learn so many cool features in the process. Why then was I whining about this? I realized that life was forcing me to look into developing a skillset which otherwise would have gone unnoticed. When I truly learnt to appreciate the knowledge that I was gaining, the tasks became fun and I genuinely started looking out for ways to better the end result. Eventually when the site went live, the satisfaction to me has been at par with getting a raise at a salaried job.

Idolly Speaking...

Some life moments are hard to forget. They get etched in your mind's eye, become one with your visions and dreams. One of several such was associated with when my dad first decided to become an actor. Well, to me, he always knew he would, someday. He just decided to announce it to us that one day when he had made up his mind to enroll in an acting class. I looked up from my book, then a teenager, with the most stoic, indifferent look a teenager could give. This was probably another one of his sudden inspirations, I thought. Maybe it'll stick, maybe it'll fade. Time will tell. But what followed in the next few years changed my whole perspective in life.

To me, my dad had always been an entertainer since I was a little kid and I quite enjoyed him performing for our family and friends. He was always up to something new and often meandered away from his original plans to find something even more captivating to do. Although he was a true show man at heart, never had I seriously considered that behind his cheerful demeanor lies a fierce ambition to shine.

He never came across as serious or strong willed but when you stopped and observed everything that he did, you'd realize that he is one of the most cheerful rebels you've ever seen, very much unlike my mother. My mother called a spade a spade even if it meant eternal animosity with close ones. To her, her voice and her truth rose above trivial needs of tradition to adhere to familial roles of submission by a woman. I admire her for her fierceness and strong will and thank her for instilling a sense of self worth and independence in me. Contrastingly, my dad passed on to me all the qualities complimentary to my mom's. He too, like her, would call a spade a spade, but not to it's face. In his heart he knew the truth, but right there and then he felt no desperate need to shout it out from the rooftops. He would rather spend his time in humor than in truth. For him life's humor was in fact life's biggest truth. He would laugh with you, laugh at himself in front of you and in general make sure that you have a jolly good time. And every time a person crackled with laughter I saw his face light up with satisfaction. Their laughing eyes reflected his uniqueness to him and THAT was the real reason he entertained us all. Not for the praise, not for the fame but to catch a glimpse of his exuberance reflected right back to him.

I once asked him genuinely, "Dad, do you really love acting all that much?" And just as always, he very simplistically responded, "Not really. I just wanted to see if I could stand out in whatever I do and this seemed to be the perfect ground for that and honestly, nothing else interested me as much." Frankly, at that point, this was an anticlimactic response and I was a little dejected by that. I'd expected an answer about passion and dreams, about wanting to be the best actor in the whole world, etc. Instead what I got was the truth. And how simple it was! No pretensions, no drama and yet refreshingly normal. There was more than just humor to him that had inspired me. It was lucidity. Clarity of thought followed by precise action. The more I recounted events the more I remembered how clear and simple all his actions had been. He never had motives, agendas and thoughts other than simple plans based on focused desires. 'He came, he saw, he conquered' had suddenly acquired new meaning in my eyes.

Dad has always loved to meet people, sometimes to the extent of inviting (mildly) suspicious characters home for tea just because they responded well to his jokes or that he felt like helping them someway. Over the years, mom has learnt to overcome her panic about such situations, lower her BP and in general train her energies to visualizing positive outcomes for such scenarios. For the most part, his class encounters led to some life long admirers, some helpful opportunities, some genuinely good people and some good friends, barring only a couple not so pleasant ones. But overall his gregarious and over helpful attitude has only brought us (my mother and I) out of our shells and shown us how great it can be to overcome basic barriers of suspecting every person in the world and learning how to trust.  One time during a city wide transport strike due to gas prices being hiked up, dad drove around our streets asking people if they needed to be dropped off back home. Some were overjoyed to see this strange good Samaritan patrolling the streets, some agreed to his offer, although a bit unsure of what they were getting themselves into and some just looked the other way. For those who welcomed his kindness, it was a two way street. Their welcoming his offer brought them both joy, made for a wonderful journey back home and resulted in awakening a warmth inside them all, the kind that is usually locked away deep down in our hearts.

While growing up I would often see him anxious that he needed to find the perfect role model for me, someone to look up to, someone who I would emulate and follow. What I often wondered is why he never considered himself the right candidate though. How could he be a role model for me, he said with utter surprise. "I never follow any rules that I don't understand. I've no sense of planning for the future, I've been constantly shifting careers and I never obey, not even my parents, when they tell me that it's stupid to get into the field of acting. I cant possibly be who you look up to!"  He's right!, I thought. After all, he always breaks rules when they make no sense, never follows mindless traditions, always speaks his mind, loves to make people laugh, believes in living in the moment, is genuinely blissful despite his surroundings, ignores discouragement, even from parents to follow his dreams and last but not the least, is a genuinely great human being. Now pray tell me, why would someone like that ever be considered a role model! That is the most preposterous idea I've ever heard! ;)

Reasoning with Insecurities

Sometimes people are almost uncomfortable with compliments. Contrary to popular beliefs, its much easier to take criticism than genuine appreciation. Accepting another person's heartfelt compliments can  sometimes be embarrassing, almost making one feel guilty or even unworthy of them, in extreme cases.

Now you may argue saying that what about those who love praises, false or not. What about those who would do anything to get a pat on their backs. You see, they are the most guilt ridden individuals. On the surface they appear to be chasing appreciation, but the very fundamental reason they do it is cause they feel unworthy of giving themselves that appreciation. So much so that they are willing to let go of their self esteem and lower them selves in every way to get someone else's so called "appreciation". That very act is a solid proof of their insecurity.

Now you might point to those who like themselves surrounded with sycophants or "chelaas" as we say in Hindi. I believe somewhere deep down in their subconscious they are so convinced about their worthlessness that they are willing to take anything, even slightly resembling a compliment, thrown their way to boost their self esteem or lack thereof. This, again, points to their super guilt driven insecure interior masked by an overconfident/ almost arrogant exterior.  

These might sound like extreme cases, but we all have these insecurities, in varying degrees of intensity. Notice that the very core reasoning to any insecurity always ends up being some belief that we've been taught to believe. 

Now why are we so insecure, you may ask? Frankly, I don't know that either. It doesn't make any logical sense to me. But one thing I've realized over time is that we don't genuinely evolve until we can accept appreciation as well as we take criticism, while maintaining our dignity and peace of mind.

A Cry

What kind of a world do we live in...

Where chemicals are our food
There are drugs for every mood
Water that makes you sick
And artificial foods to pick
Where Fashion and style is new
But spirit belongs only to a few

What a selfish people are we...

Breaking news is stories of distress
Of people in pain, hurt and stress
With a zillion mouths to care and feed
We only care for our unfulfilled greed
Entertainment is all on our mind
When did we forget to be gentle and kind?

What irresponsible monsters are we!

Nature is mocked every day
by our acts of violence and dismay
We take our blessing for granted
Dismissing the weak as unwanted
With blood on our minds we charge
At each others' throats at large

The purpose of life has been lost
For power and at what cost!
Simple, sacred, pure and whole
Rich with Being, Blessed with Soul
Such was our legacy, lost over time
Drowned in arrogance, violence and crime

What kind of humans are we to be
When we lose our sense of humanity.

What is so wrong with effeminate men?

A recent article about how to talk to little girls set me thinking on a somewhat gender related topic. I wondered how and why we perceive effeminate men the way we do.

What is so wrong with effeminate men/boys? Why is it automatically looked down upon in many cultures? So they have mannerisms that are gentler, graceful and much less rigid or "manly" than other so called macho guys. Is that the only reason for disapproval? That seems a bit extreme. I wanted to dig deep to see if I could understand how the general mass psyche works when judging these men.

Just being effeminate is not the reason, it's the so called "logical deductions" that society has associated with this quality that makes effeminate downright taboo, for some.

1. Association with being gay. Effeminate is almost an obvious link to being gay-is what is being conditioned into our society. And as we know it too well that being gay is not yet a completely accepted phenomena in a large part of the world for various deep rooted reasons. This explains the strong reactions that some people have towards effeminate men.

2. Deduction that they aren't truly "men" and that they should therefore not receive that respect. This is a downright sexist belief. Any other form of gender than a man's is somehow less respectful indicates that these people have low respect for females as well. Observe that not many people have a problem with girls being tom boyish. I haven't seen many girls lose respect for being a tom boy. In fact she gains respect from her guy friends who consider her to be "one of them" as if that's some stamp of approval that she's desperately waiting to get. I've been a "tomboy" during my teens (am possibly a little bit even now) and trust me, not once did I wish I was a guy! I liked playing sports, reading technical stuff, wearing easy, convenient clothes (jeans...T shirts). All this might make it look like I was trying to be a guy, on the contrary, I was just being too lazy to try and look pretty and had other interests which society associates with only men. That does not in anyways make me a man! In fact far from it!

3. Assumption that they will be wimpy, over emotional, clingy, annoying and not so tough. This I can totally and completely deny, since being "macho" does not guarantee that the person will NOT be any of these above. I know a few very typical manly men who apparently hate effeminate behavior for unknown reasons and they are ALL of the above to the point of frustration! Also, on a side note, I hate it when these qualities get associated with women, in general. Trust me, if you genuinely know the women in your life, you will know that they are far more emotionally strong and centered than most men.

So it might seem like most of these points have an underlying issue about women's equality and that we've heard way too much about that and there is nothing new in this article. I agree, but isn't that a strong indication that more and more of the social issues that we have today have the same deep rooted problem and that unless we genuinely want to deal with it, it will continue its quiet rebellion by churning out a myriad of other issues which are spin offs of the core problem.

Caught Off-Guard!

It’s not easy being in this position. But I can bet my ass on it that every person reading this has been in this position at least once in their lifetimes. So why am I writing this? Well I accidently, innocently and in complete naiveté, embarrassed myself in public. It wasn’t so bad, just that the constant recall of that incident has triggered cycles of guilt, shame and then recovery by pepping myself out of embarrassment one too often. So to end it all, I decided to pour out my feelings on paper and be done with it.

It all started on a warm Tuesday morning. The weather was beautiful and blah blah blah. You get the picture, all was well in wonderland when Alice suddenly decided to embarrass herself. Unintentionally, ofcourse. So the routine was on, people engrossed in work, phones ringing, copy machines printing, warm aroma of coffee tingling one’s nostrils. Ah, the perfect busy day. I was settling into this comforting feeling of familiarity. Little did I know that my life was about to take a drastic turn!

So there I was sipping hot coffee and engrossed in work, when suddenly, without warning, it happened. Initially it was just a small, innocent hiccup, followed by another and yet another. I decided to ignore it for a while, letting nature take its own course to cure it. That, my friend, was my biggest mistake! The next thing I knew was this huge guttural sound, emerging from my own throat, resounding the walls of my cubicles and echoing the halls and corridors.

There was pin drop silence. Nobody spoke a word. They had all heard my enormous burp. The silence was so still that I couldn’t even hear Tim, the wheezer, five cubes away. Time stood still. Conversations stalled, phones halted in mid-ring, even chatty Chico froze for that one historic moment in time. Digressing for a bit here, have you ever wondered why, of all times, does a normally noisy, buzzing, ignorant, crazy office area suddenly go quiet at precisely the very point when you decide, as quiet as a mouse, to either sneeze, burp or fart? Well, I sure as hell was wondering why!

I was stiff, more so with horror than anything else. I had even stopped breathing. How had this happened. My usually feminine demeanor had taken a blow, out of nowhere! How could I face the world after all this. I wouldn’t be able to see eye to eye with any of my coworkers. I should probably sneak out of the office and go on vacation for a week, until the matter cooled down. If they asked, I would just say that some family matter came up or even better, say that I’m sick. Maybe not. By saying I’m unwell I’d only fuel their imaginations that may lead to unfortunate conclusions. I could hear them, ‘Poor girl, she was probably having serious gastric issues. I don’t mean to be rude, but did you hear that! It was like King Kong having indigestion’ Nooooo!!! I can’t let them think that! I could hear them whisper to each other as I walked past them down the corridors. They would stop talking the minute I’d enter a conference room. I felt like a social outcast. Why me, dear God! What had I done. What sort of sadistic pleasure had luck derived by putting me in this situation. I had no future. It would be best to switch jobs, start a new life and forget the past.

With a sinking feeling I took a deep breath, looked around. Work had resumed. Things seemed to have gone back to being normal. Ya, right! Like that’s going to happen! I could read their minds as they pretended to work away furiously. The rest of the day went back to being quite dull (thanks to the exciting entertainment I had provided, nothing came close enough to beat that, I guess). Slowly and gradually it’s memory faded from my mind. Towards the day’s end, I was almost cheerful. Almost, until I bumped into my boss on my way home. I usually see him only in the weekly meetings. His office is on the floor above us and I was glad to meet someone who wasn’t a part of the audience for that day’s unfortunate event. We exchanged greetings, caught up with work and wished each other a good evening. Just as I was turning to walk towards my car he called out ‘Oh and BTW, you should try Tums, helps with indigestion’, he said winking at me. I swear I heard him smother a giggle as I did an about turn and ran towards my car. WTF!! How in the name of the Lord did he know about it! If embarrassment were a cake, then this would have been the ugly icing on top. It was only later that I found out, my boss had been visiting our floor the very instant I decided to do a King Kong parody. With returning feelings of embarrassment , I drove home only half hoping that I would wake up to realize that this was all a bad dream.

Heartfelt

(Dedicated to my loving and wonderful husband. Siddhu, I love you very much :))

Like when the sunlight hits the grass
A hidden sparkle appears.
This very feeling, I experienced,
Driving away my fears.

Years a stretch, patience was my friend
Long and hopeful the wait.
Hoping someone like you would come someday
And stand before my gate.

Least expected moments of joy
Felt like a rushing wave
When the first exchange of casual words
Stirred in me something so grave

Slow and steady the feeling grew
We knew it was definitely mutual
Looking for reasons to talk for hours
Had almost become a ritual

Something about this that I can’t quite say
Gives me a sense of calm
Something so pure and full of light
Spreads its ethereal charm

A missing part of me was found
Something so unbelievable
I resonate completely with you, my dear
You make my life more stable

Time stands still and the world disappears
our bond grows into an epitome
As I gently rest myself against you
I can sense, I just reached home

Influence Bollywood style!

Bollywood…..glitzy, glamorous, starry eyed Bollywood. The girls of our generation grew on it. It was our very first guide to tender love as we blossomed into the exciting and confusing teen years and SRK was its mascot. We dreamt of meeting the perfect one as we witnessed wonderful, playful and utterly passionately SRK romancing his heroines onscreen. While other teens were obsessed with studying hard, scoring the most marks, topping the classes, I had other dreams of my own. All these worldly tensions didn’t matter when the silver screen lit up with His presence. Yes, I use a capital H when referring to Him as a mark of utter and total respect for the one man that somewhat contributed to my personality. While there are important men in my life like my dad, granddad and my husband, of course, this one man, SRK, has always had a steady presence.

All his movies gave us, giggly teens, the hope that (ahem!) someone somewhere is out there for you…we lived on that hope and some of us still do. For me, it came true to the T. All his Rahuls and Rajs gave us the fodder to create our own dream boys. He provided something like a catalogue of qualities we’d like in our man. Every character he played had some pros that I’d absolutely love and some cons which were annoying yet endearing. Watching his movies actually helped me realize what I want and don’t want in my guy which finally led me to meet The Guy of my dreams who I instantly knew I must marry (and I did J. Though I don’t think he’d be too amused to know that SRK movies helped me pick my life partner :P ) What I’m trying to say is that his movies might be total chick flicks, rom coms, make believe stories, but his influence does make you stop and think. It makes you ask why you cannot have what you see on screen rather than accepting some glib, boring setup when making a huge life changing decision like marriage. His movies make you want to break the mould and search for that perfect one rather than accepting your “fate”. Laugh all you want at the childish idol worship but what I’m talking about is far beyond that. It’s a shift in your thinking process, however small it may be.

Just as I adored his on screen persona, his off screen personality also greatly appealed to my sensibilities. Be his passionate outlook towards his craft or his contagious enthusiasm, his charisma or his ability to dream The Dream, watching him achieve his dreams, in some ways, enabled me to fulfill my own. Seeing him steadily climb the ladder of social and economic success, especially starting out from humble surroundings gave me the hope to dream that dream which seemed so out of my reach at that moment. Now when I look back, those dreams seem quite achievable. But from my vantage point back then, they were pretty big ambitions.

Bottom line, what Mr. Khan taught me the most was to develop the abilities to dream bigger than what seems possible at that moment. You may not achieve those dreams instantly but you sure created a path towards fulfilling them. In some ways he cajoled me (no pun intended there!) into taking control of my own life and breaking free of practiced thought patterns when it came to determining my capabilities

Punked!

Disclaimer: The following verbiage lacks any kind of structure and is purely a flow of ideas jotted down as they occurred to me. It might seem like a mixed bag of thoughts and that's exactly what it is. My thoughts and ideas are an ongoing stream of wonderful and infinite possibilities which are far from being contained. Any attempt to contain them is futile and I'm thankful for that!

While warm, sunny weather usually attracts people out of their houses, I at times, prefer cuddling up and reading. Not just any light fictional novel but books based on science or technology. Not just any science but radical and, preferably borderline controversial, science. One such book talks about how science needs a fresh outlook and that it's time we start borrowing concepts to lead us into discovering spirituality the "scientific" way. Sounds cool, doesn't it! Well it is, that is, for those who can relax and look at fresh new ideas with enthusiasm. For the others, who aren't yet ready to overlook scientific dogma, don't bother!

So, the other day as I was reading through this book, it struck me how similar we all are towards our approach of an established ideology. Be it science or religion, once we are convinced of a set of beliefs, its only a handful who would venture out of the ordinary to step into the unknown, to explore brilliant possibilities. It amazes me, how intelligent, reasonable men and women suddenly seem to lose their senses when it comes to religion. Not just their senses, what they lose is a prized possession, it's their inner voice. Even those who insist that they don't really care about religious rituals seem to give in to certain practices, purely because they aren't sure about what would happen if they shun those practices. Seriously! Do you really, honestly, expect to cause havoc in your lives, purely because you "messed" up some traditional practice! Geez!

I, personally, couldn't care less about religion, not my own, not others. What I do care about is appreciating all that I have (personally and globally), being a valuable resource to others and most of all, keeping myself happy, come what may! Yes, it's selfish and that's exactly my point! Being happy all the time has sort of gathered social disapproval. It seems inappropriate to do so. Especially being happy/calm/at peace when your near and dear ones are troubled is supposedly a sign of indifference or heartlessness. Many years back, I would have agreed with this view, but lately this idea doesn't resonate with me at all. I don't see how I can be of value to someone else when I myself have lost my balance. This doesn't mean I promote belittling others' concerns, worries or disappointments. Far from it. Being happy doesn't always mean grinning from ear to ear and frolicking around. Just being at peace and absolutely enjoying your current action, whatever that may be, can be a source of immense joy. Some people refer to this as their meditation and that is exactly what it is! Such chronic peace brings a kind of strength and stability that can be a source of wonderful inspiration to others in hard times (for them. B'coz once you have learnt to pave your way towards happiness, you pretty much set sailing through life at top speed :D) I've been on either sides of the equation, so I know!

So if it's all so easy and simple, why are we over complicating things? Well, for one, we love the drama of it. Face it, we are all one big global Bollywood family! We don't feel completely satisfied until we've "overcome" failures, faced "challenges" and dealt with "difficulties". Sometimes we get so into the character that we kind of forget the whole purpose of our being here. That's when it's a good idea to take a break, step back and view our lives from a distant perspective, quite literally, imagine looking down upon your lives from outer space. It appears oh, so small, minuscule and at times, silly! Yup, the higher perspective game helps me snap out of everyday drama and look at the bigger picture. And once you are there, the right words and right actions just come to you at the very right time.

So as I took you through my flow of ideas, what do you think was my point? Surprise, surprise! None, whatsoever. It was all for the joy of it, for the fun of it and purely for the exhilaration I felt when I wrote all of it down.'Wait, what!', you'd say. Read this again and you might just begin to see that statement applying to the bigger picture here. Have you got the cosmic joke yet?. It's not about the destination, it's all about the journey.

To Love....With Love

Today, my love, I've known one thing

That come what may,
I'm here to stay
Your hurt, your pain
I'm here to take away

Some moments of low
and then some highs
be it whatever
my love never dies
With each rising sun
and every passing day
Wishing you blessings
To God I do pray

There's so much I want to
give you and then some more
My heart bleeds pure love
in abundance, that I can't store
Will hold you in sickness,
In health, will walk astride.
Close your eyes when you need me,
You will find me by your side.

Engineering Spirituality

It's astonishing how my technical side ties into my spiritual side. It's always been there, waiting for me to take notice of it. I took this long to figure it out, well at least begin the journey of figuring it out. I'm talking about my job of being an electrical engineer opening up a spiritual doorway which I had overlooked for so long. Absurd, right? Not anymore!

The most fundamental principal of electrical engineering is taught to us, all of us, right from school, in physics. It's the law of the materials regarding flow of electricity. That every material has some electrical resistance of its own, depending on it's individual characteristics, is a well known fact. Depending on whether the resistance is large or small determines whether the flow of current would be less or more. In other words, higher the resistance, less will the current flow and vice versa. Now what has this basic principle got to do with spirituality. If a correctly drawn analogy is applied here, this principle has every thing to do with the basic laws of spirituality as well. It is so clear and obvious that I am pretty sure almost every engineer (or non-engineer) misses this basic point. I'll say it again, higher the "resistance", lower is the flow of current or energy. Does that strike a chord yet? Think about it, what could this simple statement be pointing to with reference to our human existence. What's the conductor, what's the energy and what's the "resistance"? It took me 8 years to figure out that the very first thing I learnt about electrical engineering is the most fundamental sutra of life. We all must have experienced this throughout our lives and we still continue doing it. Doing what? Offering "resistance" to the very life force that is so eager to flow through us. All it needs is a "go" from us. And how do you think we resist this energy, by our thoughts, our staunch beliefs, our "logic", everything that stops us from having faith in the Creation. Everything that questions our ability to just fling ourselves free and into Life with the complete and utter faith that we are loved by It. I got this feeling when I experienced sky diving. The thrills and rush are only a form of Life force flowing through me abundantly. I was surrendering myself to gravity, to nature, both literally and figuratively.

What do I get by "conducting" do you ask? Well, what do you think? Isn't that something for you to experience and find out? Words are only a tool to express distinct forms of thoughts....What does one do when the Thought is Life itself and is so magnificently All-Encompassing that the words fail to express this magnificence.

Serendipity-The Parody

(NOTE: This one is a sarcastic take on my previous post called 'Serendipity')

Serendipity-the windfall, stroke of luck they say
The guy in front just won a car (damn!), while you still had to pay!

Walking down a (ridiculously) boring road, if you happen to find some cash
Oh no don’t get excited, most likely it’s fake trash.

Thinking of your favorite person, makes you stop in your track,
You hear a sound right behind you, S*&^!! The cops are back!

Some hot chick smiles her sexy smile, You think ‘I must be cute’
Only to realize, Darn! she was waving at a guy behind you.

Things like these make you skeptic, doubting everything you do
It’s hard to trust God showering love, and it's certainly not upon you!

No surprise, that luck is defined, as something so very rare,
When others encounter events so cool, it almost seems unfair.

You never get anything great and definitely no chance with pretty!
Luck, for you, is a distant dream, it’s more like ‘Ser-(end in)-pity’.

And the secret is.....

(Note for readers: The following post references ideas in the books on ‘Law of Attraction’ by Abraham Hicks. )


I just realized the key to make it work. Hold your ultimate desires in balance with your excitement to live each day.

What do I mean by that? Many people just send out eager anticipation and rockets of desire and then wait, so after a while when their perfect mate/job/house/car doesn’t arrive they start feeling a twinge of negativity. Hopelessness creeps in and they are back to self pity/sadness/disappointment. My friend, it isn’t about patience, it’s about eager anticipation for LIFE in general. While you make your desire the most dominant vibration, also give yourself variety, by appreciating and being excited about what you intend to do in your daily life. For example I can shift my focus to things like my job, making more friends, exploring places on my own, rekindling joy and love into existing relationships with my friends. All this without over burdening myself with responsibility towards other’s emotions and pressure to make them feel better because of my actions. If I bake a cake for my friend, it's because I wish to cheer her up one day or cook a wonderful meal because I wish to share my feelings and joy of cooking, with a friend. I focus on spending every minute of my life enhancing it and making things more valuable just for the joy of it. This way every time one thinks about one’s deep desire, the very last emotion on that topic is a highly positive one. That positive note is attracting bundles of joy and similar vibrations to actually manifest one’s desire.

By distracting myself into exciting everyday opportunities and rendezvous with life, I also provide least resistance to my utmost desire. Also, because of my joyful demeanor, I think of past relationships and past events in a very positive light. I see joy around me, in people and very good qualities in people are highlighted. I can bring out the best in people and be really proud of that ability. If things change on me and I’m caught off guard, no sweat, all I need to do is change my train of thoughts to something that once again makes more joyful bubbles arise in me than letting any sort of negative emotion. Seems easy, doesn’t it. Know what, it IS easy!

Practicing joyful living is a process not a destination.

Limitless

Disturbing thoughts engulf me, I'm there but not quite there,
What is it I yearn for, why the longing? Restlessness is taken over by despair.
I stop myself time and again, I know I can go beyond….
Then why do these limits hold me back, I fail to see what's wrong
At this very moment I feel like screaming, to break free from every bondage
The very thought of being restricted brings out in me a burning rage.
Able as I am, reservations set in, when orders are thrown at me
I don’t need to prove anything, I'm perfect the way I can be
Speechless, thoughtless, confused and fuming, nothing makes any sense
Feeling so limitless has its own limitations, its simple and yet so dense.

Moments

Tender moments, etched in time

Deep bonds, growing stronger

Close friends, full of warmth

Simple gestures, touch the heart

Genuine smile, makes it worth

Simple kiss, gives a rush

Heartfelt hugs, lift the gloom

Bubbly laughter, refreshes the air

Silly giggles, creates some fun

Gentle touch, says I'm there

Loving glances, brings relief

A soft cuddle, makes one blush

Holding hands, so intimate

Appreciating this, is the true essence

Life, after all, is not, without love.

Serendipity

Serendipity-the windfall, stroke of luck they say
An unexpected surprise, one fine summer’s day
Walking down a boring road, you find a wad of cash
The glitter of a lost diamond inside a bag of trash
Thinking of your favorite person, you stop right in your track
A sudden tap on your shoulders and he’s there behind your back!
Meeting someone totally new, you feel a strong connection
In a matter of days, hours or minutes, it grows into affection.
It’s tough to tell, what it is, that makes you want to stay,
To have faith in the power unknown, believe in what you pray
Something so sudden, so very great is always a doubt for you,
It’s hard to trust God showering love, hard to say it’s true.
This human tendency of doubting good, has made one believe
Its less stressful to think of the worst and much easier to grieve.
No surprise that luck is defined, as something so very rare,
When one encounters events so cool, it almost seems unfair.
But then again if everything was good and sweet and oh so pretty,
Luck would lose its charm and worth and wouldn’t be called serendipity.

Slumdog No.1

Before I start with the actual post I must mention the inspiration for it. It's the latest Brit-Indian venture called 'Slumdog Millionaire'. Considering the current display of 'exceptional talent' in the movie industry, this one is a sane, well crafted, structured....in short a fantabulous effort! As we sat, totally satiated after this unique movie experience, my roomie and I were suddenly struck with this crazy idea. We began putting together a story with the most outrageous cast and crew. Kind of a spoof (mind you, its a spoof of the hypothetical star cast, not the movie! I wouldn't dare to dishonor such great movie making effort). So here's how it goes:

Title: Slumdog No.1

Director: David Dhawan

Cast: Govinda (What a surprise!), Some new Bimbo-wanna be actress, Sanjay Dutt, another new bimbo -wannabe, Mahesh Manjrekar (Yes, he can fit into any niche!), Johnny Lever as the goon's side kick (trying to force out laughter from the audience) a few knuckle cracking, mean looking gundas and a few dozen extras (we need them for the songs...duh!)

Story: It would start off with the most eclectic looking slums of mumbai. Overtly emotional and loving slum dwellers, family oriented beggars and kid loving Gundas. Awwww. All's well in slumsville untill terror strikes one fine day. Religious riots hit the area and people are killed. Young Govinda and older brother (young Sanjay Dutt) are seperated in the brawl. Their sad looking mother is killed right in front of young Govinda's eyes. Actors are hamming and the audience is yawning. Ho-hum....

Zoom into the present day scenario.....suddenly they have all grown up into hefty 40+ oldies who, for reasons unknown, will always be 25 year old naujawans on the wide screen. So here we have an ever gregarious, oversmart Govinda, donning multicolored garbs and wooing the moholle ki choris. He is a smart ass and supposedly better than most others in his moholla. Although he earns his two meals conning people, he has a heart of gold. Meanwhile in another world, not too far, Sanjay Dutt has evolved into the reigning don of the underworld. His faithful, stupid and desperately-trying-to-be-comical sidekick Johnny Lever is stuck to his hind side all the way. This don is smarter than most dangerous dons, better than Bruce Lee in martial arts and still a romantic at heart. Mind you, despite all this he STILL has a heart of gold...After all he shares blood ties with his philanthrophic little brother. It's in the blood!

So then there's the whole Hindi movie masala, drama, brothers meeting, exchanging lockets, realizing they are brothers, crying over their dead mother and swearing on her grave to drink her muderers' blood...(oops, there is also meeting their lady loves, dancing around trees on lavish locales in the most untimely placed awkward song sequences) they finally reach the sets of KBC (somehow!...please dont ask me to elaborate on how they got there.......I wouldnt be surprised if the show host invited them himself.....its Bollywood!)

So then with much luck.,...actually all luck (that too outrageous luck) they manage to reach the final question.....when they are stumped....Having lost all their lifelines they have just one hope.....in the middle of the crowded auditorium they fall on their knees and start off with the most devotional bhajan you've ever heard.....and then the Divine blesses them (probably in an effort to get them wrapping up their ridiculous performances) in the form of a monkey showing up out of nowhere clutching a piece of paper with the answer......Huh!...Lost? Dont worry, you lost me too!

Ofcourse, during this final song its revealed to the audiences (and to the heroes) that the game show producer is, in fact, the main ganglord who had killed their mother years ago and was looking for the two brothers to settle scores with (talk about timing!).....So then there's the final predictible fight where everyone attacks everyone except the two heroes and ofcourse the two brothers kill the ganglord with combined efforts! Y ou would probably be praying for the goon to die...hoping that would somehow end the movie sooner....

So then with all the extravagant costumes, sets and performances...the movie finally ends (whew...there's always hope!) and we, the audience, are set free!!!!

Ofcourse, inspite of receiving a number of critical, negative reviews the film still manages to bag the filmfare award with the director swearing to the masses that he will continue directing more movies like this which are much better (read more hamming and more mind numbing)....... and just as we find ourselves recovering from the blow of this one....the final wave hits us when we read that this piece of 'artistic mastery' is India's entry for the Oscars......Long live Bollywood!

That's right! An awe inspiring, heart wrenching story.

Passion

Recently, an experience led me to write this. While I was waiting for a friend, I accidentally ran into an acquaintance the other day. As we were catching up over a cup of coffee I realized that a lot had changed for her. She was into various 'activities' for the need of fitting into the 'cool and hep' culture. She was justifying her actions which were definitely 'shocking', as one might call them. And throughout the talk I had a feeling that her experiences were utter waste of precious time, talent and life. From my perspective this isn't how life is to be utilized. Probably what she is doing makes more sense to her. But then the question remains that what exactly drives, rather pushes us, to the extremes of trying to fit in? Be it a group, a class, a community, a city, a nation or a species, we always want to fit in. Conformity, of all sorts, is the key word here. In this struggle to gain public acceptance we forget the bottomline of life. Very few people question their reason for existance and even fewer strive to find the answers. If you ask me, it's a process. Initial questions lead one to think and wonder, then when one starts digging more into his/her life, wonderful new insights are unearthed. I've personally gone through this initial process of restlessness and unanswered questions. Through all that, I realized one thing. It is so important to find one's passion in life. It really is. This might sound totally disconnected from what I've been saying, but it actually has a direct connection to what I've been talking about. When one has a passion in life, he makes his own path. He is sure of what he wants. He is centred. It's ironic how passion can actually make one dispassionate towards other trivial issues. With a passion in life the mind is more focussed on fruitful actions than presenting superficial facades of self projected to the world. There is a definite purpose in everything. Passion is a force that pulls us out of the viscious circle of meaningless existence. Channeling our energies towards the correct passion can do wonders for us and for those around us. Why, then, do people still prefer the typical existence of trying to fit in like a jigsaw puzzle piece? I would say, to provide us with examples. Contrasting lives of others stimulates one to search further till one arrives at the lifestyle he/she truly wants. Perhaps all this is just another piece of philosophy or perhaps others out there are meant to be examples of monotonous behavior so that more like me can find our passion. Afterall, it might not be such a bad thing that most of us live the way we do. It might just be a blessing, still in disguise.

Comical as it is now...

Comical as it is now,
Wasn't the case back then,

The story of a man
Who stood against it all,
His bravery beyond measures,
Refusing to take a fall.

His urge, his burning fire
Set him on a journey long
His search, his endless battle,
Was he really that strong?

Slowly and steadily it grew
His urgency, his desperate need
Looked for the door to his freedom
To the Lord he began to plead

How long can a man really take this!
It can happen to any sane chap
Doomed is the one who has to
But can't find a place to crap!